Also,

I just thought I’d let you all know I’ve not had the best past few months
I’ve been a bit low.
And the last few weeks have been worse.
And the last few days..? Well I’m not sure how I’ve made it through!

But hopefully the new things set in place will help.

I know almost for certain I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my little boy.
He is my absolute universe and I don’t know how I ever lived without him before.
I cannot explain the love that I have for Malachi. The second I’m not with him I miss him. When he goes to bed I want to be sleeping by his side. When he has visitors I just want to keep him all to myself. I love him so much. It took a lot of strength and pain to create that little boy. But to say he was worth it is an understatement. Each night the last thing I say is “I love you,” to him. And I kiss him on the head. And I get a little teary. Because there’s nothing so beautiful that watching the love of your life sleeping so peacefully.

No matter how down I get, he is what pulls me through. Even if I do need a reminder that I am a worthy and good mother. And he needs me as much as I need him.

Oh gosh, I’m getting teary again. It’s just not possible to explain the love. Even if he does wake me up all the time through the night! Hehe

8 notes

Such a busy week medically!

Referred for more CBT as you know
Had blood tests
Been but in folic acid supplements for the next two months that need to be followed up with more blood tests
Had an emergency psychiatrist appointment today and I’ve been re-referred to an outpatient group at the perinatal clinic. I missed half the groups last time so hoping to do it again.
She also changed my meds so I’m in the process if that at the moment. Three more days on half the dose of Citalopram I usually have, followed by one day off completely, then starting on Sertraline the day after.
She’s also putting me in contact with a CPN (community psychiatric nurse). She’ll come visit me at home as often as we feel necessary.
Then in Thursday I’ll be having a visit from someone from the NSPCC. Not because Malachi is in danger! He couldn’t possibly be more loved!! But because they run a postnatal depression group and after discussing it with my health visitor we thought it might be nice for me to join their group and meet more mums actually closer to my home. I really don’t have many friends. At all. And meeting other mums hopefully will get me a few more. It’s what I need tbh.
So yeah, that’s my update for you all there.

1 note

Please someone ask me things? I never get these anymore :(

  • 1) Sexuality?
  • 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  • 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
  • 4) What do you think about most?
  • 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
  • 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
  • 7) What's your strangest talent?
  • 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
  • 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
  • 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
  • 11) Do you have any strange phobias?
  • 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
  • 13) What's your religion?
  • 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
  • 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
  • 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
  • 17) What was the last lie you told?
  • 18) Do you believe in karma?
  • 19) What does your URL mean?
  • 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
  • 21) Who is your celebrity crush?
  • 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
  • 23) How do you vent your anger?
  • 24) Do you have a collection of anything?
  • 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
  • 26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
  • 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
  • 28) What's your biggest "what if"?
  • 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
  • 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
  • 31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  • 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
  • 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
  • 34) Most attractive singer of your preferred gender?
  • 35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
  • 36) Define Art.
  • 37) Do you believe in luck?
  • 38) What's the weather like right now?
  • 39) What time is it?
  • 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
  • 41) What was the last book you read?
  • 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
  • 43) Do you have any nicknames?
  • 44) What was the last movie you saw?
  • 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
  • 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
  • 47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
  • 48) What's your sexual orientation?
  • 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
  • 50) Do you believe in magic?
  • 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
  • 52) What is your astrological sign?
  • 53) Do you save money or spend it?
  • 54) What's the last thing you purchased?
  • 55) Love or lust?
  • 56) In a relationship?
  • 57) How many relationships have you had?
  • 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
  • 59) Where were you yesterday?
  • 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
  • 61) Are you wearing socks right now?
  • 62) What's your favorite animal?
  • 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
  • 64) Where is your best friend?
  • 65) Spit or swallow?(;
  • 66) What is your heritage?
  • 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
  • 68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
  • 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
  • 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
  • 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
  • 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  • 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
  • 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
  • 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
  • 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
  • 77) How can I win your heart?
  • 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
  • 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
  • 80) What size shoes do you wear?
  • 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
  • 82) What is your favorite word?
  • 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
  • 84) What is a saying you say a lot?
  • 85) What's the last song you listened to?
  • 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
  • 87) What is your current desktop picture?
  • 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
  • 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
  • 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
  • 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
  • 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
  • 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
  • 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
  • 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
  • 96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
  • 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
  • 98) Ever been on a plane?
  • 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
1,253,537 notes
Load more posts